Tip #1

Trust is the first building block in the construction of a successful marriage. Because of its power and strength, it is important to nurture trust through continuing honesty. If the relationship is a priority, then trust must be too. Remember:

• Keep secrets private.
• Honor your spouse's need for confidentiality on certain subjects.
• Do what you say you are going to do.
• Do the things that are most important to your spouse.

Testimonial

DR. LEW is a remarkable COACH. I had the great fortune of meeting him when I just went through a divorce and was out of my mind with grief. Dr. Lew gave me no-nonsense practical guidance and tools that propelled me forward fast. What I loved about Dr. Lew is that you can just call him up on Skype (Dr Lew) and he gets to the problem quickly and inexpensively. I had always hated therapy before because it took so much time and was so expensive. Dr. Lew draws on more than thirty years of experience as a traditional therapist in Los Angeles and it shows. ~Kathy M~

Contact

Dr. Lew is a World Renowned Expert in Anxiety, Depression, Romance, and Marriage. His Wisdom is Priceless!

You can contact him at his website: drlewslifeline.com

While wandering around the bumpy road of senior dating, I have found a new over the counter prescription drug. However, before using it, I suggest you consult with your primary care giver. OCTOGENARIOUS may cause serious side effects. You may find yourself to be unusually happy when you awaken in the morning. You may want to go for a run or a brisk walk. Your appetite may decrease. You may even lose weight because boredom will not open the refrigerator door. Blood pressure may be slightly increased. Or paradoxically, you may experience a feeling of unusual peacefulness. It's called "falling in love."

Can you imagine? It happened to crusty old me. When it hit me first I resisted the feeling. What the hell am I doing? I asked myself. I'm content being alone. I am not lonely, I am simply alone. There is a difference. Do I really want to share my life and baggage with another woman, and to share hers as well? My internal arguments went on and on. I continued to argue in my favor avoiding and finding excuses for my avoidance. She lives too far away. I'm too old to start with another woman after my long marriage.

As I was opening my E mail three or four times a day looking for a letter from her, I realized that I was angry when I did not find one. When her silence persisted for few days I wrote her scurrilous little notes of complaint. Then she pushed me further away. Why did she need this nonsense in her life? Her restraint, somehow spurred me on, bulldog that I am. The dance continued. She had a life and so did I. The Courtship began in earnest. This woman was different than any others I have met. She's taller and younger by a few summers. Of a different faith, but like me with very strong family values. Soon I found myself happily driving sixty miles to be with her, and impatiently waiting for her to be with me.

I am experiencing a relationship that gets deeper every day. I find myself thinking – stay with this moment right now. Create new history right now. This moment, right now quickly becomes yesterday.

As you have read, I've been knocking on the door of the major dating sites on the internet. I've had many responses to my creative writing about myself, and I found that a guy my age really does have a chance in the new market for companionship. Finally, I have met a very courageous, attractive woman.

I say courageous because she accepted my invitation to stop by my house while in my neighborhood doing her own business. In fact she arrived bearing flowers. How could she not bring something when visiting a new friend in his home, she said.

I served her a diet drink and some crackers and fruit. We talked for two hours. I was able to make her laugh a few times by pulling out all my old stuff in my attempt to reprise a geriatric Cary Grant. I fell short by a foot and a half and my New York accent probably spoiled my act completely. I gave it my best shot. The truth is she knocked me out and I was dazed when she left my house. I even felt a shred of a useless guilt about how could I get so blown away at my age and experience?

I held back a few days and began my telephone courtship. Our friendship was complicated because she lived sixty-five miles away. To each other, we were both geographically undesirable. I pressed on. There were other factors standing in the way of romance. I am seventeen years older than she. Oh well, I thought, we'll see. Weeks went by. Many unsatisfactory telephone conversations ensued. She was unavailable when I was free. Would the twain meet again? She had a life, and so did I.

Finally she agreed to stop by my house on her way to visit her family in northern California. My cell phone alerted me, "I'm twenty minutes away, are you home?" "No, I'm not. I'm in the emergency room at the Marina hospital." "My God, what happened?" "I banged my head on a pipe in my garage and I am getting eighteen stitches in my scalp. I won't be home for another hour or two. You better not stop. I look like I was on the loosing end of a bar room brawl." "Alright, I understand. I hope you feel better. I'll be in touch," she replied.

The fabric of both of our lives kept us from getting together for weeks. We emailed and occasionally telephoned. Through the usual difficulties encountered in a new geographically difficult relationship, we both seemed to want to keep the process going. There have been a couple of make out sessions on the couch with promises of more intimacy to come. Who knows? Age has made her very careful, and me, much more patient. The game has begun in earnest. No goals in sight, only the road ahead. We'll see. To tell you the truth I'm captivated, even though there are times when I put my foot in it and feel like a high school boy chasing the cheerleader.

HILLARY
Recently I have begun to feel what I call "media fatigue". I want to be informed, and I want to stay current with events, however I don't get the information that I need from network news and the internet is so overwhelming that I sometimes don't know where to look. I'm starting to feel like a character in an Orwellian novel. Do you have any sense of what I'm talking about, Jack?

JACK
Absolutely. Your reference to Orwell is always frightening, because as the creator of "overspeak" he projected with amazing accuracy our worst nightmares in communication. The world has become so complex, and there are so many voices telling us how and what we should think that it puts our brains into overload. Another famous philosopher once said, "the media is the message" and we can feel the absence of neutrality in the presentation of the news. You refer to the network news, which in the early days was never a profit center, and was considered a public service. Today's anchors are more like entertainers who are responsible for ratings. Network policy is totally involved with driving profit to the bottom line, and the idea of performing a service has all but disappeared. The only way that we can absorb, qualify and act is to train our own minds to be discriminating, and separate fact from fiction in the daily news.

HILLARY
But how does one do that? If I only get 30-60 minutes of news every day, and the major stories are Michael Jackson's death or killer whales or Sandra Bullock's love life, there can't be enough coverage of the stories that I want to know about – the wars we are fighting, our promise for change in government, etc. I know that I can look this information up on the internet, but then it becomes a vast ocean of information and it's hard to know where to start, let alone which site to trust. I just don't know how average people are supposed to have time to really educate themselves on what's happening the world. If I'm about ready to give up and live in a media vacuum, and I've been considered a news junkie, how are the rest of our fellow citizens supposed to be informed?

JACK
This dilemma has always been the problem in a free society. I always have the hope that the system is self-adjusting. But the more complex the world becomes the longer it takes for all the elements to come together. I do know that it doesn't happen by a bureaucracy planning, guiding and ordering each element of our society to conform. We need only go back in history to the Soviet Union, and the dozens of five-year plans that were created and, to my knowledge, never successfully executed. The dictatorships were much more efficient, but at the same time totally destructive. One of the great climaxes of conflicting ideas was WWII. The great statesman Winston Churchill said that democracy was the most unstable and confusing form of government, but it was the best system and far superior to anything else.

We have an indication of what Churchill was talking about when we examine all of the extreme parties in our country. At the end of the day they want everyone to conform, but only to their ideology. I have the feeling, and the great hope, that the majority will reject the nonsense that passes as news and make it both mentally and economically feasible to get the latest on subjects that really matter.

HILLARY
I hope you're right, because right now my instinct is to turn it all off and stick my head in the sand. But I know that this is the intention of those in power – to keep us ignorant so they can control the issues that truly affect our lives. So I'll to my best to withstand this media fatigue…maybe after a nap.

JACK
You are beginning to realize that the only thing in this world that really control is your own reaction to circumstances that surround you. The real answer is not to waste your energy on changing others, but to concentrate on how you react and, ultimately in that reaction, how you can benefit those around you. In other words, it is sometimes better to adapt and live with a situation and if it is wrong it will collapse of it's own weight.

When I began to write this lifeline blog I've been receiving e-mail from people who are unhappily living alone, some like me, for the first time in their lives. Living alone is not an easy thing to do comfortably. Women, due to their knowledge of homemaking, seem to negotiate this arena with ease. At least, more easily than the men I have spoken to. They tell me of isolation and silence in the house, and the most frequent complaint is feeling bored.

The fact that you are now alone creates an opportunity to become open to a major change. No matter how traumatic your loss has been and the crisis experienced.

Be mindful that the other side of crisis is opportunity.

An opportunity to learn new skills, like cooking classes, which are not only beneficial but offer a chance to meet like minded women. Women are always interested in a man who has culinary curiosity. Learn a new language. Anytime you learn a new skill, new synapses are refreshing your brain. You will become happier and a more interesting person.

When you feel bored, it is your responsibility to step up and change the moment. Reach out to a friend, read a book, but don't just sit and blame your circumstance.

When WWII ended and survivors of the Nazi concentration camps emerged, a new philosophical thought emerged. It was called Logo Therapy. This orientation was developed by Dr Victor Frankle who was a camp survivor, and dealt with man's ability to give meaning to his life through his work. He surmised that prisoners who had a plan every day to scrub x number of widows or wash x number of feet of floor had the best chance of surviving.

To sum this up: When you go to sleep at night have a plan to do something positive tomorrow.

Successful people in all walks of life are focused, and have a plan. Even going out for lunch and a movie will probably make you feel more alive. I've had that experience several times. I was surprised at how many interesting men I have talked to over lunch who were doing exactly this. Anytime you feel boredom creeping upon you, view it as a call to action. You and you alone can change your feelings by taking action. It is exactly action that creates a change. People who have been lost in frozen wasteland experienced lethargy and stopped to rest. They fell asleep from exhaustion and froze to death. Those who survived forced themselves to continue to keep moving at any cost. This is a simplification of first order change. Do not give into lethargy and boredom. Create your own journey. Follow the designated signs to contentment.