Listen!

HILLARY
Jack, I have worked in several jobs over the 10 years since I've been out of school. I love working, and getting a paycheck, and the satisfaction of a good day's work. I have not, however, really had what one would call a career. I wonder, given your success in business and with mentoring people with their careers, how you would counsel someone like me, who loves to work, but thinks seriously about having a family, and has yet to decide what direction to ultimately take.

JACK
Your dilemma is something that we all go through. I would like to sound very wise and tell you how I planned my career, but the reality is that most of us evolve into what turns out to be a life's work. Of course there are certain capabilities that force that decision, if you have a magnificent voice, a burning desire to be in theatre, a real understanding of what it takes to build bridges and buildings, then your path is dictated by an overwhelming talent in a specific direction. But most of us do not have a predetermined place to go, and in my case, I would say my skill was in being an enormous opportunist. Most importantly at the beginning I had to decide what I liked to do most. Being naturally extroverted, and with a great love of people, I was drawn into the world of business, specializing in sales promotion and international trade. There are so many factors that enter into this decision, but regardless of what path you choose, there are a number of very potent rules and methods that will help to determine individual success.

HILLARY
SO — what are the rules??

JACK
I'm glad you asked that question, because the first rule, with many subheadings, is learning how to communicate. One of the greatest compliments that I ever received was from a man with whom I had done business for many years, who said to me, "Your greatest talent is that you really know how to listen," It was like coming face to face with a universal truth, the most important part of sales, advertising, and doing any deal, is to understand, truly, what the other party wants. I realized that he was right, that has always been my habit pattern: to listen, before I rush to make a statement. Let me ask you: How often have you tried to explain your position to someone who continually interrupted to tell you his or her opinion.

HILLARY
More often than I can count.

JACK
And. My first rule of negotiation is not to make your demands, but find out what the other person really wants and then try to give it to him. When I first started to sell sales promotion, I would ask a potential client what his biggest problem was, and then we could solve it together. I immediately removed myself from an adversarial position, and we became partners pursuing the same goal. Rule #2 is to never trivialize the other person's idea. And, once again, it is important to listen, and then even if the idea is beyond stupidity, you thank the person and ask them if they have ever considered another possibility, and then we would talk about what I originally intended to present, which evolved into our mutual concept. Which leads to rule #3 – never insist on taking all the credit. If we perform and produce good results, there is always enough credit to go around. #4, never tell people how hard you work. No one really cares. Once again, by the complexity of the problem and the brilliance of your solution, they know how hard you had to work to get there.

HILLARY
It just made me think of George Bush saying that it's hard to be the President.

JACK
How much respect do you think he got for that? Now reduce that from the world stage to our day-to-day lives.

HILLARY
No one wants to be around someone who is constantly telling you how great they are. I find the people who do the most, end up saying the least, and making the smallest claims for victory.

JACK
You're absolutely right. I've just mentioned a very few of the general attitudes which leads to success, both financially and in your personal relationships. Another rule that leaps to my mind as I say this is — Never indulge in self-praise. The most effective weapon in any form of advertising, sales, or personal relationships is what we call third-party endorsements. It is enormously more successful when somebody else says how good you are, or what a great job you've done, or recommends you to someone. This leads to the most important talent that you can have in pursuing your career is in your ability to create a relationship. Just as I believe that everything personal is personal, I believe that all business is personal. I actually learned that most pointedly by my experience with the Japanese. I had the good fortune of being appointed on a trade mission to Japan by President Reagan in 1988. The goal was to sell American merchandise in Japan. After two weeks I came away with what became one of my hallmark concepts: The Japanese agenda was not just to buy and sell merchandise, but to establish a relationship. When you have established a relationship you have created a climate in which deals, that would benefit all, can be made.

HILLARY
So, in business, and in anything, building a relationship is about creating a solid line of communication. If you can communicate, you can relate, and can create.

JACK
Absolutely. It is a universal truth that it is important to establish that relationship, listen carefully to what the other person has to say, and make a deal that is going to benefit everyone. This is true if you are running a corner drug store, or negotiating peace or war on the world stage.

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