Positive Communication

HILLARY
So, I got engaged. I know, without question, that I would not be in a position to have a healthy relationship if it were not for our exchanges, which have taught me how to have positive communication. I speak my mind with my fiancé; there are no subjects that are taboo. I don’t feel the need to rehash the past, as that doesn’t affect our future. I am excited to build a family based on the ability to communicate openly and honestly with my partner. I wonder, Jack, what thoughts you have on maintaining that open communication with the milestones that lie ahead of me?

JACK
The reality is that you establish a lifestyle through the years. Sometimes you have false starts and have to reevaluate, and there are a few of us that are fortunate enough to find the right road by instinct. As far back as I can remember, I have maintained realistic relationships steeped in honesty and backed up by the ability to articulate a position. Which ever way it happens, the habit pattern will not leave you. There is an old cliché that "success breeds success". Relationships are the key to success in all avenues of endeavor. In 1988, I participated in a trade mission to Japan. The goal was to sell American merchandise in Japan. I came away from these meetings with one universal attitude. The Japanese we more interested in establishing a relationship than in making an immediate deal. In your social relationship with you fiancé, it has obviously been strengthened each time you have shared your true feelings. The tough obstacle to overcome is a natural desire to avoid confrontation. The problems that you have do not go away. They have to be resolved. This is the real lesson that you have learned and, since it is working so well for you, you will quite naturally continue in that direction.

HILLARY
It’s interesting. You may not know, but I am still in therapy and my therapist has said mainly what you just relayed. That, although in the past I have had a tendency to become depressed or indulge myself in dark thoughts, that now that I have successfully established a pattern of positive living and communication, that this is now my new habit, and one that I will likely continue to became more and more comfortable with and more successful at applying. I used to be afraid that this feeling of confidence was somehow false, or delusional, as I still believe that the world is a chaotic and disturbing place. However, now that I have reconciled the notion that I can be strong and confident within the chaos of the planet my life has moved so far forward, and I see nothing that will impede my positive growth. But this optimistic attitude would not be possible without the desire and ability to share, without censoring, my truest thoughts and feelings about the world. I am now free to be me.

JACK
I am delighted that your therapist agrees with my street smarts. There is so much in this world that can depress you, if you let it. And, what may have been the case was the outside world was crashing in and giving you these negative feelings. We are the masters of our own destiny. There are many events and conditions that we cannot change, but there are many things that we can. For example, there are so many negative people. It is your choice whether you want these people as friends or (excuse the callousness) or decide to discard them. There has been ample research that proves pessimistic surroundings can impede your physical health. But, you have the power to change you environment. Even cheerful news, like your engagement, can be received without joy. You have the power when you understand fully that you cannot change people. You can either change you attitude towards them, or distance yourself completely. Even in the world of business, where I have dealt with thousands of people in many different countries, my instincts have never been wrong in whether to continue or discard a relationship. I could be one of the reasons that I am still tremendously active at 83. You really have much to look forward to. Keep it up.

HILLARY
I have the habit now, to be a positive communicator — so I plan on it.

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