Life must go on.

HILLARY
So, my wedding is in four months, and now that the major planning is done, I’m starting to think more about family. There are a couple of things that come up for me when I think about raising a family, and I want to get your input based on your long experience:

First, when I talk about starting a family, many people say to me "Don’t jinx yourself, it’s not guarantee that you will be able to have a family." Or, they say, "Why don’t you think about getting through the wedding first." That’s one part of what’s facing — am putting the cart before the horse?

The other issue that I’m wrestling with is more personal — Given the state of the planet, geo-politically and environmentally, am I dooming any child that I have into struggle for survival? This comes out of the recent bombardment of environmental studies that show that, if there isn’t a radical change in our current consumption, that the planet is going to basically implode in 50 years — and why would I want to make a child that will have to deal with this?

So, my questions to you are: Have people always been so hesitant about having children? And, is the planet on such a collision course that this subject should be moot — as our species is coming to its end?

JACK
Let’s answer your first question first. I do not believe in any of the superstitions; they have no impact on the ultimate result. The odds are that you will be able to have your own children, but of course there are no guarantees. This business of trying to think things out in order, (i.e. worry first about the wedding,) and then about having children - unfortunately, the mind works in a very disorderly matter, and important concerns tend to pop up at the same time. It is perfectly ok to think in terms of what comes after the wedding before the wedding happens.

Your other question is a lot more far reaching. After having lived in this world for more than 80 years, I can truthfully say that as far back as I can remember the cry rang out, How can I bring children into this wretched world? 70 or 80 years ago, when no one ever heard of global warming, I remember men walking around with sandwich signs proclaiming that the end of the world was near. There are countless books written by people of authority that predicted a future event that never happened. I remember when I first got married, 59 years ago, several of my friends said they would not have children because we could never survive another 50 years. There is no question that the 21st century is far more alarming than any period of time, but we must continue as though all is well and make whatever contribution we can to the survival of the planet.

HILLARY
I think that there is a big difference between Nostradamus-like predictions, or the guy on the street with a sandwich board saying the sky is falling, and numerous scientists saying that if we don’t change our habits, the planet is going to unlivable in 50 years. Now, as much I wish that you would be there with us in 50 years, it is much more likely that I will be I your shoes, counseling my children and their children about how to see the silver lining on their rapidly decaying world. So, my issue is, if I have such a hard time wrestling will the ills of the planet as they are now, is it selfish of me to want a family knowing that they will be confronted with this cataclysmic reality?

JACK
There is nothing selfish about it. In reality we always have choices to make. Should you decide to make the sacrifice of having no children, or should you take the chance and have your family with all that it implies, and take your chances that the world will not collapse. We base our decisions on the fact that we must make choices — nothing is 100%, and as long you’re alive, nothing is zero. I cannot assure you that the world will not come to an end 50 years from now, or even tomorrow, but it has survived for thousands of years and the odds are with us that it will go at least a couple of hundred years more. In all major decisions we have to examine the alternatives. Many people have lived valuable and happy lives without children, and in so doing have escaped the many aggravations that children can bring, but many more have followed their natural instincts and have had far more fulfilling lives as this extraordinarily special unit — your family — develops and brings new energies into the world. Who knows, your first child might come up with the answers for which the world is searching.

On a side note — There are millions of people that many never have this experience and whether voluntarily or not, as time passes, it is missed. So my heartfelt advice is to do exactly what you’re doing — Share what you want with others, or keep it between you and your fiancé. This is also one of the many choices that we make. If I am totally convinced of a direction to go, and I know that there are people that will disapprove or dissent, I don’t share any of my hopes with them, and deal with the exciting reality when it happens.

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