Retired and lonely?
This 80-year-old widower tells us that he has been moderately successful, but now on his retirement he is feeling very lonely and is getting depressed. He has not had a satisfactory relationship since his wife passed away 20 years ago. He wants to know how he can get excited about the rest of his life.
JACK
I see two very deep and solvable problems. One, for some reason, he has not been able to participate in a meaningful relationship since his wife passed away. And two, he suddenly finds himself with an enormous amount of time on his hands and has not properly prepared for how he would use this time. The fact that he has not found the right person with whom to share his life was somewhat obscured by his work and that occupied him, even if it did not totally satisfy him. Let’s talk about today. Before he can share a relationship he has to be open to it. He cannot compare a woman to his late wife or set standards that would be almost impossible. Most people don’t realize that retirement is a fantastic opportunity to spend your life to suit your own needs. When I retired from my active daily participation in business, I was able to do all of the things that I had wanted to do, and the most important part of it – I could do it on my own schedule. If this 80-year-old guy is blessed with reasonably good health, he has that opportunity. Whether it’s art, history, or stamp collecting, for which he has a passion, now he can jump in with both feet. I would bet dollars to donuts that when he does this there would be a lady who shares the same passion.
HILLARY
Another thing to try is internet dating. When I was looking for a mate, I went on a dating website that was specific to my tastes, and I happened to find my husband. What I also found was that there were a LOT of seniors on these websites. It’s a modern tool, and it can be used to find an activity partner, a friend or a date. I keep thinking about my grandmother who, after her husband died, spent her remaining (more than 30 years) alone. This always made me so sad, because it didn’t have to be that way. Should anything ever happen to me, I have told my husband that he must find someone else with whom to spend the rest of his life. That thought makes me much happier than the idea of him living out his days alone.
JACK
What a great suggestion. Seniors would not normally even think of a website dating service. Many seniors are afraid of the internet for starters, and we think of this new and exciting matching possibility as something that is strictly for the young. I guess this leads to another insight – many problems can be solved if we just take off the blinders. It’s a big world out there and the 21st century brings potential that could never be realized previously.
HILLARY
Also, I’d like to come back to the suggestion you had about finding a fulfilling activity in which to occupy your time. A few of my friend’s parents have retired recently and they all seem to have found activities that are related to their former professions. One businessman now does arbitration when he wants to have something to do. Another closed his medical practice and now does house calls when needed. Having an opportunity to make a little money and staying involved with the world seems to be just as, or even more rewarding as going fishing.
JACK
We often hear in our senior years that we should treat every day as a bonus and make it count. What we have just discussed is a few ideas that can to contribute fulfillment.
Communication is inspiration! Share your thoughts below.
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