Fantasy and Failure

JACK
We could not overlook commenting on Eliot Spitzer. The news of his infidelity broke like a burst of thunder that echoed around the world. Ignoring what we may believe to be the political implications, he certainly shattered his own personal world. I have had several discussions with people of all ages with the single question…why? How can an intelligent politician (maybe that is an oxymoron) completely destroy his personal and political life, and shatter the hopes of so many who looked at him as a dynamic leader with an enormous future? As intelligent as Mr. Spitzer is, he certainly has to know deep inside that he had to be caught. As a matter of fact, every action almost begged to be found out. And does this mirror many millions of men and the distance they’ll go to satisfy their sexual drives? Do you think that his acts were the result of his desire for a different experience?

HILLARY
If his desire was for a different experience, he might have considered asking his wife to meet him at a hotel for a little role-playing. This is not the 1950s when most women would be totally shocked to hear that their husbands had fantasies. I think that it’s more than just looking for something different. I think it’s about power. When one does something illegal there is an added thrill. There are books, and music, and movies dedicated to giving people an insight into the criminal underworld. Perhaps he spent so much time immersed in the underworld, prosecuting criminals, that he became intrigued by it. If it’s just about sex with someone other than your spouse, I have no understanding of that.

JACK
First of all, meeting his wife in a strange place would not satisfy the fulfillment of something different. There are so many different factors that enter into a man’s sexual personality that I wouldn’t dare to explain it, even if I understood it. I only know through experience that I have seen many intelligent men do remarkably stupid things in a similar situation. I realize that this is headline news, and is dominating the airwaves, and I do believe that this much attention could only occur in the United States, and in this day and age. Many of our great political leaders have had multiple affairs, starting with Jefferson and Franklin, and going on to the modern day – possibly excluding Nixon and Truman. But even in these cases, they didn’t openly call on a prostitute through easily identifiable means, like email and the telephone. In realizing the extent of this activity, I am inclined to believe that prostitution should be made legal with the institution of proper inspection and oversight. If I were to guess at Spitzer’s motivation I would have to think that part of his satisfaction would be derived from the fact that using a prostitute seems to be impersonal, and there is no involvement.

HILLARY
But the fact that he was using traceable means of communication suggests to me that he was knowingly taking the risk of being caught. If he simply wanted a hooker, he probably could have found one on the street that would have been untraceable. Instead, there are phone calls, and emails, and instant messages, all of which he knows can be discovered. There must have been some kind of added thrill that he was pushing the envelope on getting caught.

JACK
I could never figure what drives people into action that is illegal, immoral, or dangerous. We always read about brilliant business people who hatch a Ponzi-type scam, with the full knowledge that at a certain point in time they would have to be caught. I believe that there is no real increase in stupid acts by bright people. The difference is that in the 21st century, in the United States, the media is all over it. Today, I find it almost impossible to get some hard news in what’s happening in Iraq, Afghanistan, the economy or the election because the airwaves are dominated by the scandal of the moment. Once again, it is just there and we must suffer through it.

HILLARY
On a more micro note, is there anything that a wife can do to ensure that her husband doesn’t seek the attentions of another woman?

JACK
Yes. She must find some way of remaining incredibly desirable and ready to fulfill her husband’s fantasies. As I say that, I realize that there is no such marriage and no such woman.

HILLARY
So, the answer is no. All marriages will have to suffer through infidelity?

JACK
I do not say that. I am sure that there are happy and fulfilling marriages with total fidelity In the real world, there is no such thing as perfection - it is up to each of us to come as close as we can.

HILLARY
It seems like it all comes down to choice. People can choose to stray from their spouses, or they can choose to communicate with their spouses to try and find some satisfaction within the marriage. None of this sounds easy, but people always have the choice to do the right thing. Most of the women in my age group have been exposed to pornography and are fairly open-minded. It is very sad to think that one of their husbands would choose a prostitute over sharing a desire with them, because most of them would likely attempt, at least, to fulfill it.

JACK
This is truly remarkable. Your generation has overcome all the roadblocks that my generation would choose to ignore. I do not know of anybody past 65 who would be ready to share feelings that would have been called “perversion” in earlier days. I guess Mr. Spitzer at 49 just hasn’t kept pace with most people in your generation.

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