COMPROMISING POSITIONS
HILLARY
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to compromise, and what people should be willing to give up in order to reach a compromise.
JACK
Compromise is a little word with many meanings. In many instances it is considered a bad word, as in “I will not compromise my principles or my standards.” In reality, all successful negotiation involves compromise. Politically, if countries reach a stand still when negotiating with each other, an uncompromising attitude leads to war, which is more costly on both sides than if they are able to make a deal. Of course, we’re not even calculating the agony of casualties.
In business, I have never felt I should have an uncompromising attitude, except as a matter of absolute principle. For example, I was offered a deal once that included involvement in the tobacco business. I hate tobacco, and all of its facets, with a deep passion and there is no profit that could persuade me to do business with tobacco companies, or even buy their stock. Setting a certain standard of principle aside, any successful businessperson knows that he can’t always get either the price or the terms that he may ideally want. My method of finding the right deal is simple. I try to find out what the other side wants, and I try to come as close as I can to giving it to them. We have all heard phrase “meeting halfway”. The problem with that is that each of the contestants has a different idea of what half is. If I really want to make a deal, I will not set up those kinds of barriers in front. There is one question that one should ask of himself when he has felt the need to compromise: Am I better off with this deal, even though I do not get everything I want, more than if I make the deal that is doable? The real skill is in the ability to define the goals, and to decide what you can give up.
HILLARY
Yet, so often, people seem to put their bottom line out first and insist upon it. How would you suggest starting a negotiation?
JACK
Now you are asking one of my most important trade secrets, but ok let’s toss it out. The best fighters in boxing are known as counter-punchers. They have an ability to size up the opponent and always let the other guy throw the first punch. Then, the smart boxer counter-punches. The same thing applies in business. If someone says to me, “make me an offer,” my response after thoughtful hesitation is to say, “What do you really want?” Many times, I will find that the deal he will offer up front is better for me than the one I am willing to go to. Once more, the most valuable trait that one can have is
the art of listening. What does the other side really want, and what are they willing to give up in order to get it? Opening negotiations to me is to educate myself as to the other person’s real needs. Many times, it’s not just money. It can be security for himself and his associates. It can be comfort. It can be prestige. Some time ago, I offered a bank executive a position in my company that would pay much better than what he was receiving. At first I could not understand why he hesitated, and then it hit me. This guy would rather be known as a bank Vice President than have a title with my company with seemingly lesser prestige, and the salary was secondary to the title. To successfully negotiate anything, you must work off the character and concepts of the other individual.
HILLARY
So successful compromise starts with understanding the other party’s perceived needs.
JACK
Right on. I never say what he will not get; I say what he will achieve. Paint a positive picture of what life would be like for the other party after we have made a deal. Never knock the opposition or put down what the situation was before you came along. There are several American clichés that are typical of our culture: “Fish or cut bait.” “Take it or leave it.” “My way or the highway.” At the end of the day, whether or not the deal is made I always need to leave with a good feeling. I can remember times that I have lost the deal that I wanted, but in time realized that I was much better off without it. In one of my books I make the metaphor: “Deals are like buses. There is one after the other.”
HILLARY
I understand that in business one can simply pull up from the table and say thanks, but no thanks. But in politics, or in a marriage, one cannot simple get up from the table. When you feel like there is no more room to negotiate, what can you do to keep from leaving the deal?
JACK
This may sound cold, as the stakes are higher in a personal relationship, but the principles remain the same. Where it fails is when one side feels they can change the other side. As an example, if your meaningful relationship is a heavy drinker or has other addictions, you may be tempted to try to change it. But, in most cases, you are powerless to do so. So either you will live with or accommodate this problem, or you can’t. It is better to understand in front. Our biggest problem is dealing in perception instead of in reality. Now the word compromise has great meaning, but it must apply to factors that are controllable. If you know you would like a certain financial level to get everything that you want, you may settle for something less and give up some of the trimmings. This is a realistic compromise.
HILLARY
Some people may see this as giving up. I see it as accepting a deal, or a person, as they are. Knowing that it isn’t everything that you dreamed of, but more than what you need to be happy. So it sounds like compromise begins with knowing what you really need, and not just want you think you want.
JACK
But sometimes an issue is too great. For example, I once hired an individual to do an important job because he was extraordinarily well qualified. The only problem was that people who knew him warned me that he was basically a thief. The end result was that he did the job magnificently, but destroyed the end result by dishonesty. My Mother used to have a saying when I did something wrong, or really stupid. She said, “You’re like a wonderful cow that gives Grade A milk and then kicks over the bucket.”
HILLARY
But then, I ask again – What does someone in marriage, or country on the verge of war, do to avoid catastrophe?
JACK
Many times, with great pain, you walk away from it.
HILLARY
I can understand, with great pain, walking away from a marriage that is untenable. But how does a country just walk away?
JACK
In marriage, the word is divorce. And, of course, many people have come to that point and gone on to happier times. Of course, it has worked the other way as well, but no one has to sacrifice his or her life. When two countries cannot come to a harmonious compromise, and they represent a threat to each other, the last resort is to be fully armed. History has judged the effect of results of two armed camps. We lived in the middle of the Cold War with Russia for some 50 years, each afraid to attack the other fearing massive retaliation. Today, we still don’t agree on most things, but have come to temporary compromises. People from each country can travel to the other country, and by association will eventual will lose any fear. It is not a perfect world, and no relationship, business or personal, is perfect. Through intelligent compromise we can try to come to an accommodation that is tolerable for everyone.
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