Power of Positive Speaking

HILLARY
Over the past several months I have spent some time with two friends who are in trouble. One thing that they have in common is that they both use language that holds them back. On several occasions I have heard them say that they "can't" take it, or that it's the "worst" possible scenario. They talk about how they "won't" be able to handle anything else, or that it's "never" been so bad. And, without exception, something new comes up and they are devastated.

So often when you keep repeating to yourself, and others, that your "world is falling apart", then you will do something, or miss something, or invite someone in that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, and your emotional world indeed falls apart… again. One friend had a small legal matter that turned into a larger one from a single, simple failure in judgment. One opened their home to a friend-in-need only to be treated with disrespect, and therefore further deepen her current emotional downward spiral.

I will not diminish the struggles that they are both facing, but they both have a great positive abundance; and positive language, especially through tough times, lifts you up. Both have homes that are lovely, and that they love. Both have people, flawed people, but people in their lives that love them. One has a new job that she loves, where the people adore her. These are two people with so much going for them, yet a challenging time to get through.

When they reach out to me for help it usually comes in the form of panic, and words that suggest that they are on the edge of something cataclysmic. I ask them to change their language; if they say that "I can't", or "I won't", I tell them "you haven't yet, " or "your struggling with it". They are having a difficult moment, which can be managed. Usually this is a bit off-putting, and they take a pause to reset. Then I ask them what triggered this feeling, and their current course of action. It's amazing the number of times that their course of action is totally removed from their emotional trigger, and how they are subconsciously sabotaging themselves. And it's amazing that when you change your language, you change your perspective and you make different decisions.

JACK
The contrast between negative and positive thinking is enormous. From this personal experience of yours you have just touched on what I believe is a major problem. It seems to me that each succeeding generation is looking at life more and more in a negative way. Many years ago, I think about 50, there was a runaway best selling book that addressed this problem. It is called "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale. This book had a dramatic effect at the time it was published, and there were many converts to a positive outlook. In some of the relationships I've had with children, grandchildren, both my own and my friends, I noticed this tendency towards stating the negative. I find that I often say to them "I really do not want to know what you cannot do, I want to know what you can do." There is a great difference. For example, in the case of your friends, if you say to them "I really can't help you" you're looking at it the wrong way. Then that is the message that they get. If you say to them, as you seem to be doing "here are the things that I can do, but the rest is up to you, and your perspective has to become positive.” Even my five-year-old granddaughter says she is not looking forward to going to a new school because she doesn't know any of the kids in her class. At this age, she should be instilled with the anticipation and excitement of meeting new people and having new experiences. I say this just to note that this feeling of negativity enters at a very early age. It really is easy reasoning with a young mind by drawing a mental picture of all the good things that can happen, instead of the bad.

HILLARY
That works not just on a young mind. Visualizing positive outcomes from a challenging scenario frees you from the debilitating and destructive pattern of negativity. If you choose to be positive then you will make positive choices, and come across positive people who will want to be around you and support you. By repeating negative language, and assuming negative postures you only bring in people with the same negative mindset and you are far more likely to make bad choices. Freeing yourself from this stagnation is the first step towards a healthy life.

JACK
I deliberately use the example of a five year old because one is never too young to form healthy habits and ways of thinking. As you grow older, you keep building on the patterns that you yourself set. Recently, I have given some lectures in college on the pursuit of careers. I'm always surprised that most of the students did not understand that the first consideration of career choice goes to each individual's passion and capabilities. I was taken by surprise by how many young people in their early 20s do not have a clue as to how they are going to spend their working lives. I explain that in order to pursue a path you must start with a goal. If you do not know what that goal is how will you know in what direction you should go? If young people have been fortunate enough to have a positive perspective, life is much easier and success is much closer.

HILLARY
Even those of us who were not so fortunate as to be raised with a positive perspective, it is still up to us to gain that positive perspective.

JACK
As I've always told you, there have always been hard times, but life is a lot better if you view it from a positive perspective.

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